Annie Crept Up on Me
by Lizzyk121
Summary: Annie and Finnicks story. Starts at the reaping of Annie's games and will go through to the reaping for the quarter quell. 'She seems confident too though, despite the fear and I don't see a tremor go through her as she walks. Merope asks for any volunteers but none are forthcoming.'
1. The Reaping

At eleven o clock on a reaping day morning you can find me sitting at the end of a fishing pier, with my bare feel dangling in the water. Today is the day that I will first meet the two kids from district four who I will have to train, get to know and then deliver into the arena. In all likelihood they will both be killed. The only thing I can hope for is that it is not one of my little brothers. Two years after I won my games my sister Delora was chosen, and no one volunteered to take her place. She lasted a long time, but eventually she was killed by a boy from district one. Not only did I have to train her for it, but I also had to watch while she bled to death live on screen.

In my district we are luckier than most. We are well fed, and train for the possibility f becoming tributes from a young age. I know that we are hated by most of the other districts. They have no idea that in twelve districts we are the one that stands unique. We hate district one and two as much as anyone but we do what we must to survive, and we too are hated because of it.

This year will probably be worse than all the others. Mags told me that they usually wait for victors to reach adult hood before using them for their own ends. This year is my first time going to the capitol after my eighteenth birthday. What the audience doesn't know that the lucky ones in the hunger games are the ones who die. For the rest of us the games are never really over, if not because of the nightmares, then because the Capitol makes our lives unbearable.

I am broken out of my reverie by a high pitched boy's voice.

'Finnick,' I turn around and see the short blonde figure that is my youngest brother, Kai, sprinting towards me, 'You're going to be late,'

I curse and make my way to my feet, catching him by the collar of his shirt as he runs into me. He is so unsteady on his feet that it is a miracle that he manages to walk at all.

'So are you,' I give him a little shove in the right direction and smile, 'Go and find Caspian. You have to sign in first.'

I feel strangely protective over my brothers. Our mother died two years ago in a fishing accident, and so I have been the sole provider for the three of us since then. Caspian is sixteen years old, and a lot like my mother. Shy and sensible with brown hair and the pale blue eyes that are not often found here. Kai, like me, is an almost a carbon copy of our father. Except for his mouth, which is small and turns up at the corners, everything about him is the same as me. We both have the same bronze hair and sea green eyes, and even though he is only twelve, he has the same humour in him as I do. The only difference is that he doesn't wear his looks and humour as armour.

I trudge towards the square, kicking at the fossil stones and pebbles as I go. When I get there I look up, and the smile that I use to hid my emotions plays over my face. From the outside I look self-assured and, I'm sure, arrogant. A victor is not someone who goes around letting it be known how much they dread the games.

* * *

The square here is unlike any of the other squares I have seen during other reapings. The justice building is in the centre and is made out of pure white marble, that is kept clean. Here and there, there are sea green leaf decorations, meant to look like sea weed and two marble swordfish stand centry at the doorway. There is usually a mosaic depicting a mermaid fighting a shark outside the building, but today it is covered by the large stage, and the rest of the square is filled with people.

Within a few moments the escort, Merope Combe, will lead the mayor, and then the victors onto the stage. I will go first as I am the most recent and Mags will go last. We walk onto the stage in a dignified line and take out seats behind the Mayors. I scan the crowed looking for my boys and my eyes land on Kai. He is twisting his shirt around his hands, obviously nervous and starting pointedly at the ground. I want to reassure him, to make a joke and tell him that he has no reason to be nervous, but I can't and even if I did it would be a lie.

Merope heads to the front of the crowd and speaks into the microphone in an overly chirpy voice.

'Welcome to the 70th Hunger games,' I block out the rest of her the production. It's the same every year. The mayor makes a speech about the dark days, and how they can never be repeated, Maerope gushes about how the hunger games is an opportunity for the tributes as only one who doesn't need to fear them can. Finally she is ready to select a name from the reaping bowels.

'Ladies first,' she chirps, and I life my head. She digs around in one of the bowels and draws out a small slip of paper. When she gets back to the microphone she slowly and carefully unfolds it and flattens it before reading the name.

'Annie Cresta,' It's not a name I know, but with everyone else I scan the crowed until I find her. She is medium height with round scared green eyes, the kind that you only find in district four and long chestnut hair cascading down the back of her white dress. Slowly she makes her way up to the stage, shooting a frightened look at a woman who looks so much like her that she can only be her mother. She seems confident too though, despite the fear and I don't see a tremor go through her as she walks. Merope asks for any volunteers but none are forthcoming. She stands stiffly and silently as Merope makes her way to the other bowel.

I tense, hoping against hope that it's not one of my brothers. As if drawing out the tension and fear she moves make to the microphone and it takes what seems like an age for her to read out the name written on it.

'Kai Odair,'

For a second it feels like my heart stops. I watch him start to shake and then as he is pushed towards the stage. The only thing that keeps me in my seat is the look that Mags shoots me. His hands are balled into fists when he takes his place next to Annie. There is one chance for Kai now and I find myself praying silently that someone will volunteer for him. I breath again when Tristan Blake, one of the more brutal boys in the district volunteers. Kai almost sprints of the stage towards Caspian and I grip the arms of the chair I am sitting on until my knuckles turn white, to hid the raves of relief making my body shake.

I don't look at the tributes that will make up a big part of the next month of my life, and instead stare at the place where my brothers are standing together. It is one of the few times I have ever seen them hugging. I am not surprised that Caspian didn't volunteer. Self-preservation runs deeper than love.

When the talking and ceremonial handshake between tributes is finally over we stand up and disappear back into the justice building. For the next hour Mags and I will discuss strategy and tactics. We will try and work out how we can keep one of them alive.

* * *

**Well it always sounds like a really interesting love story so I thought I'd try it. Tell me what you think please :) The other chapters will be longer**


	2. The proposition

The train ride was quiet. The only times that we saw the tributes were at mealtimes when we talked through the strategy of the upcoming weeks. Tristan, like me is handy with a trident, and Annie is good with nets and is incredibly resourceful. She reminds me of Mags, who can make a fish hook out of just about anything.

Tristan is confident that he can win, and I find myself thinking that it is tributes like him that give us such a bad reputation, but apparently he and Annie were friends before this. Every so often they talk as if it is the only natural thing to do, and then lapse into uncomfortable silences when they remember where they are headed.

Annie is confident, but quiet. She doesn't yell, and is remarkably self-possessed. Her laughs are hard to come by, especially now, but the sound is light, and never forced. I think that she is one of the few people I have ever met who can make me feel like the weight of the world isn't on my shoulders, just by talking about the most inconsequential of things.

But I am not thinking about Annie or Tristan now. Now I am being led to the Presidents mansion by a peacekeeper woman who was summoned to escort me for a meeting with him. My mind is filled with Mags' warnings. 'They'll leave you alone when you're still a child but when you get older they'll force you to take on a different personality and give you a choice that you can't refuse.'

I swallow as I am led into a plush sitting room, filled with red chairs, and silver objects, that I don't even know the names of. I perch myself somewhat awkwardly on one of the chairs and stare at the silver tinted wall as I wait to hear what my personal hell will be.

'Finnick O'dair,' A voice booms from the doorway, and my head whips around. Standing there is my enemy, an enemy I am powerless to fight, president Snow. 'It was good of you to come.'

'I wasn't aware I had a choice.'

'You didn't,' he sounds almost cheerful,' but the niceties must be observed dear boy.'

I clench my teeth together and try not to let me fear and anger show on my face.

'So what is it that you want from me?'

'I personally want nothing from you, but the capitol requires a service from you, and what is good for the citizens of the capitol are good for me.'

I just stare blankly at him, not knowing what to say or even slightly inclined to voice the thoughts racing through my mind.

'Now you are of an age where you are useful it is time that you lived up to some of your responsibilities as a victor. Whenever you are here you are going to spend time with some of the wealthier women here, who are willing to pay generously for your time.'

I don't understand what he is saying at first, and then the full horror of the implication in his words hits me. He wants me to sleep with these lonely rich women for money. Essentially what he is asking me to do is to allow him to sell me to whoever pays the highest price.

I start to shake my head back and forth, disgusted with the very idea of it.

'If you decide to shirk your responsibilities then I will be made to force you.' His voice has lost it's friendly tone now, and it sounds like ice.

I clear my throat, and ask the question that I dread the answer to.

'How?'

'We can't touch you, too many people are fond of you here, but there are others that you do care about who will suffer if you fail to deliver.'

Caspian and Kai, I think frantically, I can't let him hurt them. For what seems like an hour I just stare at his cold face, his puffy lips are in as thing a line as they can be as he anticipates the outcome of either answer I give him. I can't speak so I just nod my accent.

'Good,' he says, friendliness returning to his voice, 'Your first client is Ginelle Thropper. A peacekeeper will be waiting to escort you to her half an hour after the recap of the parade. Do not be late.'

And with that he waves a hand in the air, in a gesture that is clearly dismissive. I walk out the room as though I am drunk. I stumble, almost falling down the steps. In half an hour my life has changed from a life of misery filled with nightmares, into a nightmare filled with misery.

* * *

The parade goes off without a hitch, but I barely see it either time. I am too busy feeling the minutes rush by faster than they have a right to. Tristan is dressed in a in a tunic made out of a thick fishing net. There are small objects sewn into it in the shape of crabs, lobsters and fish. Annie is wearing a short dress the colour of the sea, and the stylists have done wonders with it. It is the colour of the sea. The bottom of it is fringed with green that snake up the material to form sea plants. The rest of it is dotted with the same sea creatures as Tristan. Together they look like home.

I don't eat much at dinner, and cover up my loss of appetite with speaking to the tributes. Mags talks with me, but keeps shooting me worried looks. I don't acknowledge her, just keep speaking, occasionally forcing some food down.

I try to lose myself in the recaps, occasionally offering comments on the others. The tributes from district one and two as usual, look tough. Most of the others just look terrified and the district twelve tributes we worse than usual. Their misguided stylist had decided to give them no costume at all. Instead they were covered in black dust, with only miner's hats on their body. Their discomfort was obvious. You could see every rib sticking out of their emaciated bodies, and in that moment I understood exactly why they hated us.

And now, the moment has come where I have to sacrifice my body to save the ones I love back home and I follow the peacekeeper through the streets of the capitol. People stop to point at me as we pass, obviously recognising me as a victor. I smile a wave, as I know that is what they and Snow want me to do, but inside I'm screaming.

We arrive and a large house that is painted in a bright green. The peace keeper slips a bright pink tablet into my hand and leaves when I knock on the door. It is answered by a short woman of about forty years old. Her hair is purple, and the parts of her that are not covered in cloth are covered by jewellery. He skin is dyed in a light red, making her look like a children's painting in human form. I almost shudder when I think of what alterations she has performed on herself that I will see tonight, but somehow I manage to supress it.

'I thought you'd never arrive,' she practically purrs in what she seems to think is a seductive voice, but to me it sounds like a snarl. I flash my famous smile at her and walk in. To make Snow happy this needs to be convincing, and I need to act as though I want to be here.

She didn't want to talk first, and instead led me straight to a garish bedroom. She walked ahead of me so I managed to slip the pill into my mouth and swallow it without her noticing. She pushed me harmlessly onto the bed and at the contact I felt myself harden. She let out a little squeal of delight and unbuttoned my pants. I stared up at the ceiling and willed myself not to cry as she pushed down my trousers and my underwear, then griped me roughly. It hurt, but I didn't make a sound, apart from forcing out an occasional moan of faked pleasure.

'Don't you want to kiss me,' she crooned, as I feel my member start to twitch. Traitor. Immediately I sit up and locked my mouth with hers. I felt her moan against my lips at the contact and gingerly I began to peel her out of her clothes. There were no alterations as far as I could see on her apart from a tattoo of vines entwining around her breasts.

'Make love to me,' she whispered in my ear and my panic mounted. I would rather do anything else than sleep with this repulsive product of the capitol in front of me, but my panic for Kai and Caspian overshadowed even this.

Within seconds I positioned myself at her entrance and forced myself to enter her. I thrust into her eliciting moans from her, and nothing from me. When I finally did come I collapsed onto the bed next to her, breathing heavily, and the weight of self-loathing cursing me.

'Would you like a gift, my beautiful boy.' I don't say anything in reply but she moved and grabs a large pouch laying on the table, apparently for this purpose. She hands it to me, and I can feel that it's full of coins. And then she starts to talk and the faintest of silver lining appears. She spills out secrets about high ranking officials in the capitol; Stories of scandal and incest, which she is in an important enough position to know about. What I hear sickens me, but I can't help thinking that this may come in useful one day. Eventually she falls asleep beside me and I quietly make my way back into my clothes and leave silently with the pouch in my hand.

* * *

I have been forced into three more beds since the first. It's been a week since the first time, and all I feel is shame. I have taken shower after shower and I can still smell them on my skin. Mags has tried to make me talk about it, but somehow I have managed to evade her. I can't lie to her, and she must know that it's awful but hasn't pressed me for information again.

A few hours ago I was watching Tristan and Annie in the interviews. Tristan was arrogant, and it played well with the audience, while Annie was smart and aloof. Both of them scored well after training and already many people are sponsoring them, including all four of the women who have made me feel like a pariah.

Now, the day before the games begin, I am sitting in the dining room, leaning on a pillar and staring out at nothing, trying desperately not to think about the horrors I have been through in the last week.

'I didn't expect to see you again,' Says a quiet voice from a few feet away from me. I get up and stretch.

'I was just leaving,'

'Really? Why?'

I don't have an answer to that so I parry with one of my own.

'Why are you here?'

'Couldn't sleep. It's not surprising really seeing as I might die tomorrow.'

I rub the back of my neck, 'Annie..' She cuts me off, and it's probably a good thing because I don't know what I would say.

'You don't have to say anything really. I just want to not think about it for a while, so you can talk to me.'

'I can? What about?'

'Well you could start with why you've been looking so miserable for the last few days.'

I swallow and look away.

'I'm going to go now,'

I go to leave but stop when she calls after me.

'I am going into the arena to fight for my life tomorrow. I will probably die, and I wouldn't tell anyone else anyway. If you need to talk to someone I might be your best option.'

But I can't. I need to talk to someone, but any chance she has of winning will probably disappear if she knows what could be waiting for her afterwards, and I want her to live, but I don't leave again. Instead I start to talk to her of home, and for the next hour we steer clear of the tricky topics in our lives. For a short time I escape from the labyrinth of my mind.

* * *

**Ok tell me what you think :) I'm a faster writer with encouragement.**


	3. The Games

'Ladies and gentleman. Let the 70th Hunger Games begin.' The voice of Claudius Templesmith booms to be heard from every television in Panem. Nervously my eyes flicker between Annie and Tristan, my heart thuds in my chest. This is usually the bit that hurts most to watch if goes went badly. The year my sister was a tribute her district partner had been literally sliced in half and I had watched something shatter behind her eyes.

The arena this year is large. The tributes are ringed around in a clearing,. Around most of the clearing a sparse woodland area, not useful for hiding and in a gap in the trees was a dam. Every so often water laps over the side of it, creating a sort of waterfall effect. If I had just been looking at that place without the games I would have called it beautiful, but the games to me make everything repellent.

Too fast, the time runs down too far, and before I know it the tributes are running in different directions. This year the only alliance that exists between the district 4 tributes is each other. This is purely because Annie picked up on the fact that when the careers turned on each other they turned on district 4 first. Last year Dylan, the male tribute was stabbed in his sleep.

Tristan Kills the district three tributes when he runs to close to him and begins to attack the others, defending Annie. Even if she isn't as good as fighting as Tristan, he knows that her wits will be invaluable if they are to break from the other careers. She grabs two backpacks and several weapons. Before the bloodbath has ended Tristan has killed four of the tributes and they run into the shelter of the trees before the careers have a chance to turn on them.

I let out a sigh of relief when they vanished into the foliage. For now they were both alive. After ten more minutes that seemed like hours to me the bloodbath was over and the canon begins to fire. Nine shots all together. Fifteen left to play, and fifteen left to die.

For the next few hours the screen alternated from shots of the various tributes. Tristan and Annie form a plan to stay hidden. They stayed close to the cornucopia, as this is the least logical option for them, and if the careers leave food unattended, or only one guard behind as they hunt they will have somewhere for food when they run out of the supplies Annie had managed to pick up in their packs. Most of the other tributes are far away, with varying degrees of competence and I am already picking out the ones that will pose a threat. The district twelve boy has already been killed in the bloodbath, but the girl is sitting provisionless and shaking under a tree. For all intents and purposes she is already out of the running. She will probably be dead before morning. Either the career pack will kill her or the cold will.

'Thank god,' I breathe, 'They're still alive now.'

'Yes,' that's all Mags says for a while before moving her eyes from the screen to mine. 'Finnick. We need to talk.'

My heart drops into my stomach. I know what she wants to talk about and I want nothing more than to forget about it when I don't have to.

'What is Snow doing to you,' she presses me gently.

I look up into the kind old face that I've known for five years and I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I cannot lie to her. Instead I give a non-committal shrug and get up to leave.

'Finnick,' she says in a placating tone, pulling my arm so I fall back against the cushions. 'Finnick you can't talk to many people about this, and knowing the capitol it's something that will eat at you from the inside. Talk to me.'

That breaks me. I tell her everything I've been through in the last week. The meeting with Snow, the threats to my brothers, the women and the feeling of being unclean that is now my constant companion. She doesn't interrupt me for the entire time I'm speaking, but agrees to softly brushes away the tears when they finally begin to fall freely, and hugs me when I finish and draw a raged breath. She doesn't say anything at all, and really what could she say. The likelihood is that I will stay like this until I become too old to appear desirable anymore.

Over the course of the next five days my schedule alternates between meetings with sponsors, making house calls and screaming into my pillow when I get back from them. Tristan and Annie are still alive, although after a run in with the career pack Annie is badly wounded in the arm, and I have sent her medicine for the pain and a sling, courtesy of the sponsors. Nine tributes in all are still alive. So far the most gruesome death has been the girl from district two, who was literally ripped to pieces slowly by rabbit mutts. Apparently they have venom in their teeth which paralyses you for a short time but leaves you mouth free. According to the screams and whimpers she released during the attack it didn't anesthetise either.

On the second day Mags and I made a choice about which of our tributes we would try to keep alive when they inevitably split up. This decision has to be made every year and every year it's awful. Tristan seems the obvious choice, as he is extremely skilled with his trident, however he lacks common sense. Annie is alright with a trident, and handy with the knives she got at the beginning, but her main weapon is her mind. She has the wits that Tristan lacks, insisting that they plan out their actions instead of blindly attacking like he would have them do. This is why we chose her. Stupidity in the arena means death, and Tristan is an idiot.

We watch their progress throughout the day. There are three careers left, and they are hunting them. It is Mags' turn to be in meetings with the sponsors, and I am meant to be resting. Tonight I will be in those meetings and honestly it is a relief. It means that I will have a night of relative freedom. Looking back on the last few years since I won the game it is almost amusing to think that the thing I used to dread above anything else is causing me to feel relief.

When I look back at the screen I am in for a surprise. The careers have found Tristan. Annie must be off examining the area for water like she usually does when they decide to camp for the night. Tristan fights with the trident, with brutal precision, but I can already see that the fight it lost. He manages to kill the boy from district 1 before the girl from the same district swings a deadly looking blow towards him. There is a scream when the sword slices through his neck and he head bounces away like a gruesome beach ball. Annie has returned just in time to see the demise of her district partner.

My eyes widen when I see the same shattering behind her eyes that I saw behind Delora's. Immediately she starts to run in the opposite direction. They try to follow her, but she is much faster than they are, and doesn't care what dangers she runs into. Eventually she manages to get away, but I can see that something inside her has broken. When she finally stops running she just crumples in a mass of leaves a twigs and falls unconscious.

I think that we have no chance now. One of our tributes is dead and the other one is obviously and irreparably mad. I almost hope for her sake that she does die. It seems that it would be better than the lives the victors lead afterwards. The games never truly end for us.

Miraculously Annie manages to survive through four more days of madness. We have tried to send her things to help her, but she is either unwilling or unable to see the parachutes when they fall.

The pool of tributes is now down to four; Annie, the girl from district one, the girl from district seven and the boy from district eleven. The girl from seven is injured though and probably won't survive the night from the looks of her.

The career, Silver, is hunting Annie. She has managed to track her well. She has almost stumbled upon her leaning against a tree and looking vacant, when it happens. The ground beneath them begins to shake violently. Annie shoots up and grabs on to the tree trunk for dear life. Silver is thrown off her feet and against a tree, hitting her head and rendering her unconscious. The others fare better, the boy from eleven, Barley, grabs onto the side of the dam for dear life and is killed instantly when it explodes outwards.

The water from the dam moves ferociously, leaving a path of destruction in it's wake. In no time all three of the surviving tributes are in the water. Annie quickly manages to swim to the surface, eyes wild and terrified. The water also seemed to wake silver, but she is not as strong a swimmer as Annie and struggles to remain above the water line. Through an underwater camera the gamemakers have obviously installed for this purpose we watch the girl from seven suffocate and then drown.

I see Silvers eyes narrow when the canon fires and she realises that they are down to the final two. She moves towards Annie, with the small tentative strokes of someone who is unsure in the water, and Annie dives to avoid her. Anyone not from four would be worried about the amount of time that she spends under the water, but she is from the fishing district and we have breath control down to a science.

When she resurfaces she is a lot further away, and Silver lets out a growl of frustration. Annie dives again, and the screen shifts into an image of underwater. We watch as Annie manages to pull a knife free from her belt under the water. We watch as her face hardens and we watch as she reaches silver and pulls her leg so she sinks below the surface. In a second Silver lies face down in the water, and blood comes from the red smile that Annie made in the throat of the girl who killed her district partner.

Annie is gasping when she breaks the surface, trying not to get any of the blood into her mouth. She screams when the booming voice of Claudius Templesmith booms once more over Panem.

'Ladies and gentleman, may I present the victor of the 70th hunger games.'

Annie's eyes are darting about, and I can tell that she is about to lose it, when the cheers of the capitol viewers blare though. When the hovercraft flies over her and the ladder is in front of her she grabs hold, and is taken to her new life as a mad victor.

**Ok I know that this is a very short way of describing the games but I am not Susanne Collins and this isn't really about Annie's games, just the aftermath.**

**Please review and I'll update ASAP**


	4. The Trauma

Mags and I are sent for as soon as the hovercraft has landed in the Capitol. This is unusual as usually mentors and Victors are not reunited until the capitol have had a chance to 'repair' what is left of the person they fish out of the arena.

We run to the hospital room in the training centre as fast as we can, our breaths coming quick and shallow when we are stopped by a pink haired doctor standing outside one of the doors.

Without preamble he starts speaking. 'Annie's mind is in a fragile state.' He says, all business and no feeling. 'You are here because it is our opinion that familiarity will be it's own kind of medicine for her.'

For a further twenty minutes we stand and nod like children in school while he explains to us the fact that we need to speak to her, to try to calm her when she begins to act strangely. He tells us that they have managed to fix her arm, and clean up the wounds she acquired whilst in the arena, many of which had gotten infected. He ends with telling us that we should take it in turns to sit with her, as she should not be left alone for a second in case she wakes up and panics.

Quickly Mags and I decide that I will sit by her first, and I hold my breath before going in to see the poor broken girl that is this years 'strongest of the strong.'

I suck in a breath when I see her. She has been cleaned up by the capitol, and looks almost exactly like the girl who talked so frankly to me about facing her death only two weeks before. The only thing that has changed is her frame. She looks so skinny and fragile that I am afraid that just touching her will shatter her, but then she has shattered. The girl who was so full of life before the games has shattered into absolute madness. It makes me happy in a grim way to think that it will be difficult to use her in any other way now.

I take my seat next to the bed and clasp her hand in mine. She moans a little at the contact and her eyes flutter open. For a second our eyes meet, and I see sadness, fear and a new understanding playing in hers. I'm sure mine reflect nothing but exhaustion. Then her eyes find a corner of the room and her breaths rapidly start to pick up pace, as she begins to remember the horrors she has just escaped from.

I try to calm her, shushing and brushing back her hair from her face. This does seem to help, because after a couple of minutes her breaths are steady again supposed to say at this first meeting.

'You won annie,'

The look of pain that crosses her face at these words is so filled with misery I almost have to look away.

'I didn't win,' she whispers back, her voice monotone, and her head moves so she stares at the ceiling, 'The rest off them did.'

She doesn't speak again, or even move. She just remains staring up at the ceiling until the liquid pumping into her from the tube in the wall overcomes her and drags her back into sleep.

I know exactly what she means. After all I had had the same thought before she even went in. It is a thought I am sure all victors have after the games, with the possible exception of those from district two.

I slump back in my chair and rub the back of my neck. To the clueless citizens of the capitol the reunion of Mentor and tribute at the end of the games is a happy time. They're deluded idiots.

* * *

For the next week the doctors work on restoring Annie back to beauty base zero. The whole time either Mags or I am by her side. I am strangely grateful to Annie for her condition as whenever I am not with her I am allowed to sleep, and therefore am not expected to visit any of my disgusting clients. On average she manages to escape the haze of drugs and madness twice a day. She hasn't really spoken much since that first time, and even when she does it's just incomprehensible mutters.

Now that it has been a full week since she was proclaimed the victor it is time for us to have our official reunion, viewed by the willing and unwilling eyes of panem. I wonder how she will cope without the drugs to keep her sedated, with the cameras that are once again watching her every mood. This is the first time since she won that we aren't by her side.

When she emerges from behind the door I see that there is a man in a white uniform standing behind her, with a syringe ready in his hand in case she loses it. No doubt that the game makers are making sure that the audience are not able to see him.

We have been told how to act so we stay still as she hesitantly creeps towards us. Hesitantly she hugs me, no doubt as she was instructed to do. The hug is brief and nothing more that perfunctory before she moves onto Mags. No words are spoken throughout the entire exchange, and I know that this is something that will please the audience, but I suppose that the game makers just want this not to be a total disaster.

Mags and I both take up our stations at her sides and lead her back to the rooms where her nightmares began.

* * *

The last three days of the games were one disaster after another. Annie spend the entire recap of the games with her hands clapped over her ears and rocking back and forth of the seat. Ceasear Flickerman looked visibly at a loss of what to do by the end of it, when Annie couldn't pull it together enough to even acknowledge that the recap was over. Eventually I had to carry her back into the training centre and place her gently on the bed. I left afterwards while a doctor in a white coat, who stayed with us until we left, injected her with a sedative. This meant that she had to miss the banquet with her sponsors, so that will now be held on the extra day that has been added.

If the recaps went badly then the interviews the day after were a disaster. Annie couldn't respond to the questions directed at her, she just resumed her position of the night before and occasionally muttered to herself about the horrors she was reliving. Needless to say the interviews were not long. Somehow she managed to pull herself together enough to sit up straight when the victors crown was placed on her head.

The banquet went somewhat better. After being rescheduled most of the guests just asked for a picture with her and then went back to eating the spectacular food spread over several tables. As always the doctor was never far away from her, making sure that she wasn't going to disappear into her own head around the capitol citizens. I spent most of the night with my eyes focused on her, and away from former and potential clients eager to catch me eye. The one good thing about Annie being so ill was still the fact that I hadn't had to sell myself since before theflood.

We went straight from the banquet to the train. We took immediately into her room and then both of us retired to our rooms. Now I'm just lying on the bed, trying desperately to think of anything but the victory tour in six months' time. I picture the faces of my brothers, counting the hours until I can laugh with them again.

* * *

**Ok so I know that this is a short chapter, and I will make up for it with the next one. Please Review. Reviews tend to encourage me to write faster. Thanks people who have already followed and reviewed =]**


	5. The Broken Girl

When the train pulls into district four we are met with a surprising silence. Instead of the cheering crowd of people and cameras one man stands on the platform. Mags appears behind me, helping Annie towards the exit. Her eyes are wide and darting around as she takes in the familiar sight of our home. Then, horribly, she starts to scream, pressing her hands to her ears and shutting her eyes start. I think she tried to rock back and forth but her body is trembling so badly it's hard to tell.

The man on the platform darts forward, syringe in hand and before anyone can make a move has injected her with the clear liquid it contained. The effect is immediate, Annie's screams are cut off and she slumps and the man catches her before she can hit the floor.

'You're the doctor.' I say, watching as he shifts her in an easier position. He nods and then, seeing that we need more information begins to speak.

'I'm Doctor Aurelius. They sent me from the capitol to look after Annie. I assure you that I am good at what I do. If you want to see her I am taking her back to her home to her family.'

And with that he walks away, the limp body of the broken girl in his arms.

* * *

In the past five months I have only seen Annie a handful of times. Just the sight of me or Mags seems enough to bring all the memories rushing back to her, and we are ejected from the house. In three weeks' time the capitol expect us all to start the victory tour, and I'm almost certain that Annie is not even slightly ready for it.

Right now I am sitting on my pier, looking out over the vast expanse of ocean spreading out in front of me as the orange of the sunset reflects of his glistening surface. Since we returned I spend most evenings sitting here by myself. I know that I am worrying Caspian and Kai by doing this but it can't be helped. I only hope that neither of them ever have to go through what I have gone through over the past five years

When I was first reunited with my small family I was all smiles, laughter and jokes. I could see on their naïve faces that they were happy just to have me back. However as the novelty of being back home with them wore off I found myself becoming more distant and my smiles significantly harder to come by. Before the last games I would occasionally slip into spells of depression like this but for the first time I seem to be in one constantly. I feel guilty, as I know they have worried enough on my account since my name was called at the reaping, but this is beyond my control.

'Hey,' a gentle voice breaks me out of my reverie and I turn around to see who it is. When I get a good look at her my mouth flops open in shock. Annie is there, wearing a sea blue shirt and a skirt adorned with shells, but the fact that she is here is not what has surprised me so badly. She looks better, almost like the girl who I spoke to before her life was forever changed by madness.

She settles herself next to me, and looks out at the sunset without really seeing it. She looks pale and thin, but at this moment she doesn't look mad or broken. I know that this is how I appear to people as well. A charming bronze haired victor, who had no reason on earth not to be happy. I honestly wonder at the stupidity of the people in the capitol. I have a suspicion that people like Doctor Aurelius aren't as easily fooled by the lies that the capitol try to pass as truths to the population. They come into contact too often with the direct consequences of the games.

'Thank you,' she says, again putting an end to the rambling taking place in my mind, 'for not telling me.'

'What?' I ask, genuinely confused.

'Before I went into the games, I knew you wanted to say something. You wanted to tell me about what it would be like if I won. Thank you for not doing that.'

Her voice sounds lifeless, emotionless as she 'thanks' me.

'I didn't think it was something you needed to hear, seeing as the odds were …' my voice trails off and I leave the terrible fact that I didn't expect her to live unspoken on my lips.

We don't speak again, just sit on the edge of the wooden pier that has become mine for these few evening hours, watching the colours of the sky fade from a warm orange to an ice blue, and then finally to a navy dotted with lights.

At some point Annie gets up to leave, looking pained, but I don't look round to watch her leave, just continue staring out at the deceptively calm water.

* * *

The victory tour was almost as bad as I had anticipated. Somehow Dr. Aurelius managed to come to a compromise with the powers that be in the capitol, saying that Mags and I would take turns making the speeches while Annie stood on stage. As an excuse we would say that Annie had lost her voice and had been advised not to speak by her doctors. A little white lie never hurt anyone I remember thinking wryly.

And that is how it happened. The doctor managed to put Annie on enough medication that she didn't freak out, and was able to smile, wave and accept gifts from the different districts. However she didn't do anything much when subject to the drug cocktail they have her on. I'm not sure that the lines that we are feeding the districts truly are lies, as I'm sure that it is difficult for her to speak at all.

The worst stop on the map was of course the capitol. There was no interview with Annie this time as the game makes obviously thought that it was better not to create the same kind of media catastrophe as had been the interview after the games. Instead Mags and I were interviewed about Annie, under the excuse that Annie was too sick to appear for it. We were given a list of things that we couldn't mention during the interview, and things we could say instead. They were all about the state of Annie's recovery, or lack thereof.

I spent the two days spent in the capitol moving between appointments to clients. At the beginning of the banquet in Annie's honour I was pointed in the direction of the woman who had 'purchased' me for the evening. The woman was much the same as the others. He skin was dyed pink, and she had tattoos in a luminous silver over all the pieces of skin I could see in the design of weapons seen on the hunger games. I shivered when I first laid eyes on her, knowing that that knight would be more unpleasant than the others and I was not wrong.

Brienn Jinetti was turned on by pain, but mainly the pain of others. I left her house with wounds I had not had when I went in. There was a gash going up my side, and I was sporting what I was sure was going to evolve into a black eye.

On the train back to the district I didn't make an appearance, not even for meals. Mags tried to tempt me to come out, but even she was unsuccessful. I moved from lying on the bed staring at a blank expanse of wall to the shower to try and clean myself of the feeling of being unclean the sick woman had left me with.

I leave the train before anyone else if even close and almost bolt to the pier, craving piece, normality and privacy. I don't know how long I stay there, but night has well and truly fallen when Caspian takes his place next to me on the pier; the same place Annie had sat just over a month ago.

'What's happened,' He asks me after a long silence. I look at him, but his eyes are focussed on the water beneath where his feet hang. For a moment I consider telling him everything, but then a voice in my head, which always speaks with Mags' voice, whispers to me of protection and the wisdom of silence. So instead of telling my brother everything I just sigh and shake my head

'You don't have to go through everything along,' he says and I can tell that he is annoyed, 'I'm not a baby anymore Finnick, I can handle more than you think I can.'

'I know you can,' I say miserably, 'it's just not something I can handle, and so I don't want to talk about it. I never want to talk about it.'

'Do what you want Finn,' he gets up and starts to walk away. Then he stops and looks over his shoulder at me. 'It's not like we could possibly understand anything about sadness. I've only seen my older brother almost die in the arena and my sister torn to pieces. What could I possibly know about pain?' He storms away, and somewhere in the back of my mind I know he's right, but even though I know it doesn't mean that I can handle the look on his face when he find out what the capitol are doing to me now.

* * *

Things were tense in the house for months after the scene at the pier with Caspian. The only thing that stopped Caspian being furious with me was the arrival of my nineteenth birthday, four days before the reaping. Every year my brothers make a hell of an effort to make me forget about the trial ahead of me, and make the day as happy as possible. This year it started with a breakfast of seafood and freshly baked bread from the bakery. After that they have planned a day of diving and fishing in the ocean, taunting the people at work on the fishing boats as we swim past. After so many years of doing this they just wave at us and some of them dive in alongside us and join in our fun. The peacekeepers don't care what we do as long as we reach our quota of food to send all over Panem at the end of the month.

All in all today has been a good day. Kai is thoroughly exhausted when we trudge back into the house, covered in sand and hair glistening from the water. When I get out of the shower with clean hair and not a grain of sand on me both of them have disappeared up to their rooms. Kai must be asleep, but I can hear Cas moving about in his room still. I sit in the living room, sorting through the papers I will need to take with me to the capitol to help the next two tributes as much as I can, and then I hear it.

There is a soft knocking coming from the front door, and I get up curious to see who it is. When I open the door Annie stands there, rocking slightly on her heels, and hair plastered to her face from the rain that has started to fall as though god is trying to flood the world.

'What the hell are you doing,' I hiss at her, 'You're going to make yourself sick.'

She laughs hysterically at that, and I can already tell that this isn't one of her good days.

'Sit down,' I whisper and she perches on the edge of the sofa that I was just sitting on. I rush as quietly as I can to my room, grab a towel, a shirt and one of the pairs of my sister's trousers that I still have and go back down to Annie. She is still sitting on the sofa, but now her hands are pressed to her ears and she has begun to rock in earnest. I put the items in front of me on the coffee table, and rest my hand on her shoulder in an attempt to bring her back to earth, but it doesn't work. Slowly I raise my lips do they are just next to her ear and begin to whisper words of comfort. I tell her that she is home now, that there is nothing to be scared of here. After a while I find myself describing the ocean to her as I see it, the magic of the waves during a storm and then the quiet calm of the water during a summer breeze.

It takes a long time but eventually she returns to normality, and just stares at me, and I stare back. My sea green eyes meet her slightly darker ones and I can feel something inside me stir. That small stir is enough to bring me back to reality with a jolt and I hastily look away. I cannot let this happen. I will not give the capitol another thing to use against me.

'So what did you want,' I ask, still refusing to meet her gaze.

'I wanted to know how to be a mentor,' she says quietly and then I do look back up at her in surprise.

'You're not going to be a mentor,' I say, 'The capitol asked Mags to step in so you can stay here and …'

'And what?' She sounds angry now and has raised her voice slightly, 'And get better? That's not going to happen.'

This outburst seems to cause another flashback because again she begins to rock. I just sit and watch her this time, not willing to risk the possibility that I could start feeling something for her.

It takes a long time but she does regain her senses and when she does she stands up and moves towards the door.

'I have to go,' she says and she sounds as though she is about to cry. I just nod at her and watch her as she runs out the door and down the street towards the house in the victors village that is now her own.

It is only when I return to the sofa that I realise that the towel and clothes still remain untouched on the table in front of me. I lean back heavily and try to get a handle on myself again. I am going to need every inch of my composure to deal with the weeks ahead of me.

* * *

**Here you go the love story part officially starts here! Please keep the reviews and follow coming :) I promise the more I get the faster I'll write. **


	6. The Incident

The day after our little encountered I didn't see Annie. Instead Mags and I were on a train with the latest two children reaped by the capitol. Tidus, the male tribute is a truly tiny little twelve year old boy. The worst part of it all is that he only turned twelve the day before the reaping. The female tribute is named Celeste and is the complete opposite of Tidus. She is seventeen, tall and broad shouldered, and is lethal with a trident or net. She is also the girl that Caspian loves, proving that the capitol really knows no bounds when it comes to making their victors suffer.

The week before the games went by in a blur. We did what we could for little Tidus, trying to find a skill of his that he can use to his advantage, but the only talent he seemed to have was accuracy with a net. A net is all well and good but unless you can wield a weapon as well it won't do you much good. In the end we presented him to the capitol audience as innocent, hoping that this would convince the other tributes. However despite all our best efforts he died in the first five minutes at the cornucopia, killed by a district 1 girl named Cashmere.

Celeste thankfully is still alive at this stage, managing to join the career pack. In the arena that contains sea food she is invaluable to them. It wasn't difficult to present her to the audience as formidable, but attractive. She has also got to be one of the brightest tributes I have ever trained. I only hope that she is smart enough to leave the career pack before they turn on her.

Today is the seventh day of the games, and after two weeks in the capitol I am both emotionally and physically drained from both trying to keep Celeste alive and the sickening job I have been assigned by president Snow. I have visited 7 different women in the last two weeks, and although most of my clients (for want of a better word) just want the opportunity to say they have been with the famous Finnick Odair and have very ordinary tastes some of them are savage in their advances.

Tonight I am on my way to the home of a Gratiana Belcour who I have been told by other victors in my position is something of a collector of victors, and one of the most unpleasant. When I get to the door I give myself a moment to shudder at the prospect of what is about to happen to me and then tentatively knock on the door.

The woman who opens it looks normal and no older that twenty. For a few precious seconds I think that this will not be so bad, and then she calls to someone and I know that this girl is not who I will spend the night with. The girl leads me into a plush, brightly coloured and well decorated living room. To my horror I spot pictures of previous victors dotted about the room. There are also pictures of moments from previous hunger games, including one of me standing over my final victim in my own games. The look on my face chills even me, and for a moment I am taken back to that moment, when I was nearly mad with victory, grief, anger and most of all the relief of a deluded boy who thinks that the worst in his life is over. If I had known then what life would be like afterwards I probably would have let that boy kill me.

'Finnick,' a gravelly voice purrs from the doorway and I look around to see one of the most terrifying sights that I have ever been witness too. Gratiana Belcour is in her late fifties, and so marred by capitol 'improvement' that there is very little about her that is still recognisably human. Her skin dyed a dark purple and her mouth reminds me of toads. She is a tall woman with broad shoulders, and her hands resemble claws, complete with sharpened nails.

I swallow and stand up to greet her. She chuckles and my forced civility, and studies me with cold grey eyes, that are so light that they almost seem white.

'I have been in the company of enough victors to know that look,' she croons, 'No matter how hard you try to hide it little victor you cannot hide your disgust from me.'

I swallow hard and try to stammer something out and I am not sure whether I am trying to apologise or contradict her, but it does not matter as she interrupts me before I can get anything intelligible out.

'It does not matter. You will see why I chose to look like this soon enough, and we will see whether your skills are developed enough to please me.'

For a brief moment I think that I am going to be sick, and I sway a little on my feet. She moves to walk out of the room again and I follow her, knowing that that is what she wants from me right now. She leads me to another door, painted a dark blood red and unlocks it with a small black key. When she swings it open I feel all the blood drain from my face. Inside are a number of contraptions that look as though they are designed for torture or combat.

'We are going to have our own games,' she says softly, and leads me into the room. It smells of leather and burnt rubber, the sinister looking things in the room glint ominously in the dim light emanating from that light panels on the walls and the evil woman is almost panting in anticipation.

'I have been waiting for six years to see you standing in here,' She rumbles, and quick as a flash she rips my top off and rakes her cruelly sharp nails down my chest, causing eight long bloody lines to appear there. I draw in a sharp breath, but somehow force myself not to cry out in pain.

For the next few hours she 'treats me', to a variety of tortures and seems to become more and more excited with every drop of my blood that hits the ground.

When she pulls out a tine trident I finally lose my grip on control. In two drift movements I knock the small familiar weapon out of her grasp and have her pressed against a wall, with the prongs of the trident digging into her neck. Blood beads there, and now her eyes are wide, not with lust but with fear.

'Do not touch me again,' I growl, 'If you do I will kill you. I swear on everything I am that I will kill you.' She nods vigorously, wincing as her neck brushes the sharp tip of the weapon and opening a wider wound. Without another word I spin on my heels, not dropping the trident and put my bloodied clothes back on. Without one look back at the prone Gratiana I run out of the house, into the night and then back to the training centre. I ignore the curious looks I get from the people I pass, and pound the button with the number 4 on it, eager to just get back to my room and finally break.

Mags is waiting in the foyer when I get back to our floor and her eyes widen when she sees me, but thankfully she doesn't mention it. Instead she delivers the news that Celeste has been killed by a girl from district seven, and an axe to the head. I sway alarmingly on my feet and in a second Mags is beside me, and helping me to get to my room.

* * *

When I wake up for a moment I remember nothing of the previous day. This changes instantly however when I roll over and pain shoots through me from one or more of the various cuts I acquired the night before.

With the force of a train the full implications of what I have done hits me and I start to shake. An act of defiance like this will not go unpunished by the president. Surely this will have some truly dreadful consequence, and it will be swift in coming.

When I have not emerged from my room at midday Mags comes to my room, only to find tending to the long contusions to my upper body. Her eyes widen in alarm and concern, and for a moment we just stare at each other. I am horrified that she has seen me like this. She knew that Snow was forcing me into sexual relationships with some of the capitols most prominent citizens, but I highly doubt that she had ever imagined that I was being forced into anything like this.

'Finny,' she breathes finally, 'What have they done to you.'

The amount of loving concern in that one question is my undoing and though a veil of tears and anger I tell her everything. Mags' face gets paler and paler with every word I speak, and when I tell her about how the night ended a small strangled sob escapes her.

'Oh finny,' she says when she has collected herself, 'What are you going to do?'

And for the first time I am furious with her. What am I going to do? What the fuck can I do? It's not as though any of us have any control over our own misfortunes in this world. The capitol will do whatever they want to do, in the full knowledge that we can do nothing to fight against them.

When the light of the day is succumbing to the darkness of night we receive a visitor.

The peacekeeper that I recognise immediately as the one who escorted me the president Snow's last year stands before us, a grim look on his face.

'You are to come with me,' He snaps, and then turns on his heel. With a sense of growing dread I follow him, feeling Mag's eyes on me all the way to the elevator.

* * *

'I thought we had a deal,' President Snow says to me, in a deceptively calm voice. The flashing of his eyes tell me that he is anything but. 'But you seem to think that instead of performing the task that your country requires of you that you will threaten its most prominent citizens in the comfort of their own homes.'

I try to articulate a response but throat is dry. My fear and panic is almost palpable, and Snow knows it.

'The repercussions of you rash actions shall come, but for now you must be given time to heal,' She says, in the same soft voice. 'Believe me when I say that I do not care much for your wellbeing, but the capitol citizens will complain if those goods we deliver appear damaged on arrival.'

For a second I feel anger and being talked of as though I was a loaf of bread, but then that is all I am to this twisted man. All he is doing at this moment is showing his true colours, in glorious Technicolor.

After a few more veiled threats and angry words I am dismissed from his office and led back to my quarters. The whole time I am wondering what I will be returning home to, and hoping that those I love are safe.

* * *

**OK so I finally wrote a chapter for this :D Thanks for the reviews, follows and favourites since I've been out of commission. It really does mean a lot. Please keep them coming and I'll try to update this quickly, as I know this is a fairly major cliffhanger.**


	7. The Consequences

I spend the rest of my time in the Capitol holed up in my room. Mags had been knocking on the door before every meal time but I don't answer it. I cannot deal with anyone right now. I know that she understands but she must also know that I am not eating either, even with food available any time I want it. Mostly I've just been lying on my bed, trying not to think about what I will find when I get home, but scenarios forcing themselves upon me anyway.

Now that we are back on the train I am once more in the room I shall sleep in tonight, refusing food and company, and altogether acting very sorry for myself. If I thought that I could kill president Snow, I would do it without hesitation. Unfortunately I know that he is not an idiot, and will most likely have something in place to make sure that no attempt on his life is successful, even in a seemingly private meeting.

As soon as I step onto the platform, after a journey that seemed to last a lifetime, I breathe a sigh of relief when I see both Kai and a grief ridden Caspian standing there to greet me. Caspian waves off my apologies about Celeste, and then I am being attacked by the ball of unwavering energy that is my youngest brother.

'You're back,' he yells, as he manages to jump onto my back, 'Did you get us anything?'

I sputter slightly until, seeming to understand that he is strangling me he lets go and falls back to the floor. Once his feet are once more firmly on the ground he stands in front of my looking expectant.

'Of course I did,' I say when I have finally gotten by breath back, 'But you're going to have to wait till we get home kid.'

Kai pouts, making even Caspian laugh and with awave, and a slight smile in Mag's direction we begin to walk back home.

* * *

I have been home for a month now, and still there is has been no noticeable punishment from the capitol. Truth be told I have stopped being so wary of everything, and have started relenting on Kai. For the past month I have been keeping him on a tight leash. Caspian is too old for me to do this with, but it is making Kai furious.

'I want to go swimming Finn,' He shouted at me when his usually docile temper snapped, 'Tell me why I can't go or I'll sneak out.' and of course I couldn't tell him, so I ended up going with him. This only seemed to annoy him more.

'God finn, I'm thirteen not three. You can leave me alone for more than a minute.' He snaps, and I ignore him, like I've been doing since I've been home, whenever he makes an irritated comment like this.

'Finnick,' A voice shouts from the shore and I look in that direction to see Annie standing there in a green dress but no shoes. I frown a little at the sight, and tell Kai that I am going to talk to her. He is delighted at this unexpected freedom and tells me to talk to her for as long as possible.

I swim quickly towards her until the water is shallow enough for me to wade through with ease. Now that I'm closer I can tell that this is not one of Annie's good days. Her hair has been brushed and she is clean but I suspect that that is down to her mother's ministrations rather than anything she has decided to do herself.

Her clothes look as though they were clean when she put them on, but are now ripped and damp. I'm not sure why but I intend to find out. I look down at her shoeless feet and gasp. She's cut them walking here and doesn't even seem to notice anything's a miss.

'What are you doing here Annie,' I ask, trying to keep all traces of shock out of my voice.

'I saw you leave.' She answers as though this explains everything. I frown at her and she just smiled serenely back at me. I walk her over to a pier that juts out from the beech and make her sit down.

'We have to sort your feet out,' I tell her gently, and she nods. I doubt she even knows what I've said like this. I lower myself back into the water and gently wash her feet with the salt water while she looks blankly off into the distance.

'Where's your mum?' I ask, forcing nonchalance into my voice. I know that Helena Cresta would never have let her daughter out the house on a day when she is so obviously confused.

'At home I think,'

'Why isn't she with you?'

'I didn't tell her. She was cooking dinner, and I decided to take a walk.'

I close my eyes and sigh. Annie is very like a child on days like these. I curse the capitol silently in my head and continue to wash her feet, making sure that I don't miss any of the cuts.

* * *

Three hours later I still sit with Annie on the pier, watching Kai splash around like a dolphin and with the same grace that everyone who grows up here has. He looks thrilled to have been given this unexpected freedom for the first time since my return and I smile a little at myself, remembering the first time I brought him swimming. He was three and I was nine, and genuinely thrilled at being trusted so much with my baby brother.

My mother had brought him swimming at least twice a week since his birth, and Caspian and I would always go with them, but for the first time ever she had allowed me to make the trip alone with him. He almost literally bounced all the way there, his bronze hair curling in a way that makes any three year old boy look adorable, even to his older brothers.

'Finny, Throw me,' he said brightly when we were both fully submerged in the water. I'd given him a fake clueless look and, not knowing how else to say it, he kept repeating it over and over again until I had relented. I took him in my hands and then launched him from me, making him squeal before he hit the water with a splash and beamed at me.

Ten years on from that he still has the same enthusiasm when swimming, although thankfully grew out of being thrown at about seven. I notice that several girls of around the same age as him are eying him with interest, and show off that he is he swims over and begins to put on a show. I roll my eyes at the spectacle and can't help my chuckle.

'What is it?' Annie asked, in a voice that sounds as though she's just woken up. I point to Kai, shaking my head as he managed to pull one of the girls out of the boat and into the water with him.

'You see that boy?' I ask, 'The one being splashed by the blonde girl.' She nods and I continue ,'That's my baby brother. He's an idiot isn't he?'

I'm grinning at her, and she smiled a little watching him make an utter fool out of himself. The girl has now progressed to trying to drown him, but he dodges her attempts laughing as he does.

'He looks like you,' she says after a while and I turn to look at her, 'What's his name.'

'Kai. He was named after my dad.' I hear the sadness in my voice. It is the same sadness that creeps into every time I mention my father.

'Why?'

'He died the month before Kai was born. Fishing accident.' She doesn't say anything, just nods. That is usually the cause of early deaths in district four.

When the sky begins to change from a light blue and orange and red tendrils start to cover the horizon I call to Kai, and he swims over after whispering into the blonde girls ear, making her blush.

'What?' He asks irritated at being interrupted.

'We've got to go,' I say and he grumbles, but makes his way to his towel without argument.

'You go on ahead,' I say to him, 'I'm going to get Annie back to her mother.'

Slowly I see the broadest grin I have ever seen spread across his face and he literally sprints in the direction of the victor's village.

'Annie. I'm going to carry you back. Is that ok?' I ask after putting my own sandals back on. I don't want her feet to get cut again. She nods and I swing her up into my arms. He puts her arms around my neck to steady myself, and unwelcome I feel my heart rate begin to speed up at the contact.

It takes what seems like seconds to get to Helena's house, and when I knock the door swings open so quickly that I almost think that she has been standing behind it since Annie left.

'Oh thank god,' She says when she sees Annie, 'what happened?'

'I went for a walk,' Annie says unhelpfully, making her mother frown at her, and then look expectantly at me.

'She same to the bay.' I tell her, 'I saw her when I was swimming with Kai, cleaned her up and the brought her back here.'

She narrows her eyes at me, but doesn't say anything. Annie has been gone about three and a half hours. I choose not to mention the fact that three of them were just spending sitting on the dock. In all honestly I hadn't thought about how worried her mother would be. I had just been content and comfortable sitting there with her next to me.

'You can put her down now Mr Odair.' She says in a glacial voice, and I quickly do as she says. Annie smiles sweetly at me and then walks into the house past her mother, who shuts the door behind her, sparing me one final glower.

I turn away from the house, slinging my towel over my shoulder and making my way through the steady stream of people back to the house. It takes about twenty minutes usually, and tonight I am hardly in a hurry. My mind keeps forcing me to think about Annie again and again. I am starting to have feelings for her and I cannot let that happen. From the look that Helena gave me when she closed the door I am guessing that she knows, and if she knows then maybe other people know. That could put her in danger, and I cannot let that happen.

* * *

Half an hour after I leave Annie with her mother I find myself standing in front of my own front door in the victor's village. I know that something is wrong as soon as I open the door. The lights are off, and I don't hear the usual sounds of Kai moving about.

'Kai,' I call, nervously and turn on the light. The room is empty, Kai's towel draped carelessly over one of the chairs. He hasn't responded to my call, and alarm bells sound in my head. In an attempt to calm myself down I tell myself that he could have gone to see Caspian in his new designated home.

I move around the house, checking the rooms for any sign of my little brother, and finding none. Finally the last room left to check in is Kai's room and for the sake of being sure I open the door.

I am not prepared for what I find in there. Kai is sprawled on the bed, eyes open and no movement of any kind animating his body. Beside him on the bed side table is a single blue rose. Bile rises to my throat and I rush to my brother's body. He is still warm, and instinctively I know that this means that he has not been like this long.

In desperation I turn him over and start the process of CPR on his body. He jerks pathetically under my attempts to bring him back, but nothing happens. It takes another half hour for me to finally give up and pull him into my arms, cradling him like I did when our mother died, only this time he is still in my arms.

* * *

**Ok so Kai is the first original character that I've ever liked writing and now he's dead. I am genuinely upset after this scene but his fate was planned from the moment I came up with this story.  
Thanks for the reviews, favourites and follows. They are much appreciated**

**Sorry for the long wait, I'll try and update this more frequently.**

**New Fifty Shades story and of course my Divergent and Harry Potter stories are still in progress. Please give them a look over:)**


	8. The Hurt

At some point I laid Kai's body down on the bed, and I literally spend the rest of the night with my head in my arms and rocking back and forwards on the floor beside it. I have no idea how long I sit like this, but I cannot escape the thoughts going around and around my mind.

I am so caught up in my thoughts of self-recrimination and self-loathing that I don't hear the door open or close. I don't hear my name being called, and the first time I become aware that there is another living thing in the house apart from myself, is when I feel soft hands on my arms.

I look up dazed and find myself looking into the face of Annie. Her face is strained, and I think she must be keeping herself stable enough to help me with a great effort.

'Finnick,' she says gently, and her voice sounds as though it is coming from a million miles away. I blink at her, not understanding why she's here.

'Finnick, can you get up?' I nod and slowly manage to get to my feet, trying my best not to look towards the bed as I do. She takes my hand, keeping her eyes on my face and tried to lead me from the room. I snatch it back and shake my head vehemently.

'I won't leave him,' I tell her. My voice is horse. Not so much cracking as already broken.

'Please Finnick,' she begs me, and I can tell that it is becoming an effort for her to maintain control over herself. I feel sympathetic towards her but right now I am too stunned with my own circumstances to really care for anyone else. For a few more minutes she tries to convince me to come down but when it becomes clear that no measure of pleading or force with get me to leave my baby brother she leaves.

About twenty minutes later Mags walks into the room, closely followed by a stricken looking Caspian. I think that Annie must have run to fetch Mags and managed to get across what had happened. Mags has now told Caspian what Annie told her. I suspect that either Annie didn't want to come back, or has finally broken her restraint under the pressure of the morning's events.

'what happened?' Caspian asks in a raspy voice, staring with grief filled eyes at the now cold body of our brother. I shake my head at him, still unable to find words to answer him. He too tried to get me out of the room, but after a few attempts also gives up.

'Finnick,' Mags says gently, crouching down beside me with some difficulty, 'we need to get you out of this room. You need to eat something.'

Her kind words are my undoing, and I begin to shake. It takes another ten minutes of cajoling but eventually Mags succeeds where both my brother and Annie failed and she leads me out of the room and down into the sitting room, which seems too big now.

* * *

After a lot of persuading, and Mag's telling me that there is no point in keeping things to myself anymore I slowly begin to fill Caspian in on everything that I have kept from him since the hunger games after my eighteenth birthday. The long I talk the paler Caspian gets.

I finally get to the catastrophic events of my last trip to the capitol and the significance of the rose on the bed side table. As soon as he has taken in exactly what I am telling him his face goes utterly blank. He stares at me as though I am a stranger.

'You mean that's why you wouldn't leave him on his own,' he says quietly. I can't even begin to guess what he's thinking.

I nod and his already pale face whitens.

'Why was he alone yesterday?'

Once again I find myself talking. Telling him about Annie, and how I thought that nothing would happen in such a short time.

'You are telling me that our brother was killed because you couldn't do as you were told,'

I blanche at his words. My usually mild, kind and forgiving brother is looking at me with an unsettling emotion. He is looking at me with pure hatred.

Before I can say anything else he leaps to his feet, glaring at me.

'We're done.' He says before storming to the door, and slamming it behind him as he leaves. I stare after him, almost unable to believe what has happened. In the last two days one of my brothers has been murdered because of me, and my other brother has written me off. I am completely numb. Vaguely I am aware that Mags is talking to me, but I can't take in her words. I don't deserve comfort now. I have as good as killed my brother.

* * *

Over the course of the day and the day after I flit from room to room, not leaving the house and eating very little. A few hours after Caspian's departure Mags had left and informed the peacekeepers that there was a body to be picked up, and then they had come and removed Kai's limp form. I didn't even try to stop them, and watched as they left holding the small figure between them.

Now I am standing on the beach along with others who knew Kai well. Caspian is standing as far as he can from me, not even glancing in my direction. I also notice that the girls from the boat that Kai had been flirting with only three days before are all standing in a group. The middle girl is the one who had splashed him and tears are streaming down her face.

At some point I am joined by Mags and, to my surprise, Annie is also with her.

'I wanted to say goodbye.' She says quietly, 'he seemed like such a nice boy when I saw him on the beach.'

I nod. Kai has … had an ability to make anyone like him just from the briefest of meetings. He didn't even speak to Annie and still she feels the need to be here. The thought is painful, and I hold my breath, willing the tears that are building up inside me back down.

A few minutes after Mags and Annie's arrival Jack Collins, the mayors second in command arrives, followed by four peacekeepers that carry a boat. A boat that I know hold the body of Kai among his most treasured possessions, the rarest sea plants and messages from anyone who prepared them for him. I know that mine is among them.

_Kai. Kai fish. My baby brother. I am sorry for everything, but wherever you've gone I hope that you take my love with you, and that you and our parents forgive me for failing to keep you safe._

Gently they place the boat on the shore in the centre of where we are all gathered and I gaze down. He is wrapped ina net, as is traditional her, and his face is peaceful. If I didn't know etter I could almost believe that he's asleep. But I do no better, and once again pain lances through me.

Jack begins the traditional farewell speech. Saying how the sea will gently send him on his way and that much like the sea death is just another unknown place waiting to be explored.

When he has finally finished speaking four of us who loved him step forward to push the boat out. I step forward with Carpen, his best friend, the girl from the sea who apparently he has known for far longer than I had known and finally, of course, Caspian. Together we lift the boat once more and carry him to the waterline. Once the boat is down and the waves are lapping around it all four of us push it out until it is floating away.

We step back and that's when the singing begins.

We who loved you will remember  
Let the tide carry you home  
Those who loved you will be waiting  
waiting to carry you home

One day we will join you there  
Our hearts will once more be whole  
One day once more we'll see you  
and will rejoice with hearts and soul

The words are beautiful and bring me back to the funerals of our parents. They fit the spirit of the district so well, and I like to believe that Kai is now sailing away to somewhere better. I feel tears falling down my face, and I know I should try to stop them but right now I just don't care what anyone else thinks.

The song is repeated over and over again, until the sun has completely vanished upon the horizon and the boat baring my brother away is no longer visible. I stand watching the place where it left as people begin to leave. Mags takes Annie home immediately after the ceremony, saying that she promised her mother she would. Soon enough it is just me and Caspian standing on the beach, not acknowledging the other, but looking out at the shimmering silver of the sea.

After a while he walks away. He hasn't so much as looked at me in all the time we've been here, and I feel as though I have lost everything.

* * *

By the time I finally get home the sky is almost completely black, only lightened by the quarter moon and an array of shining stars. I don't make a sound as I move around the house, but instead walk as if I have been possessed by a great purpose.

I shove the door to Kai's room open, and I know that it was wrong, but I kept something from the ceremony of him, just so I could keep him close. Just so that I could be reminded of him in times when I feel that it's just not worth it anymore.

I lift his pillow and find the picture that was taken of us just before I left for the last games on my birthday. We are in the sea and we had just been diving. He was holding up an oyster and had just found a pearl inside it, and was absolutely delighted. I was trying to tickle out of him who he was going to give the pearl to and had been surprised to find that he actually had someone in mind, but refused to tell me. Thinking back to the girl on the beach I guess I know who it was now.

I sigh and lay down on the bed, inhaling Kai's familiar smell, and knowing that soon it would fade and be gone forever. Before I know it I close my eyes, and I've fallen asleep, troubled by dreams of my family. Kai's body, Caspian walking away from me silent and then finally my parents looking at me with betrayed expressions; expressions that he had never once seen them wear when they had been alive. Even in his dreams Finnick was now completely alone in the world.

* * *

**I both hated and loved writing this. I'm fairly proud of my funeral scene.**

**Thanks for still following this, it's very much appreciated. Please let me know what you think. I would love to know, and I promise that I will make more of an effort to reply more often. I'm really not good at that side of things and sometimes my stories get all mixed up so … again … sorry.**

**x**


	9. The saviour

It's been months since the funeral and I can't think. I've barely left the house except for events such as the district four stop on the victory tour. Even then Mags almost had to drag me to it, and only managed to convince me by saying that not going would only result in putting Caspian in Danger.

Caspian himself has not so much as looked at me since he found out about Kai's death and my part in it. He has made it clear that he blames me and if I am completely honest with myself I blame myself for it as well. We both know that it is the Capitol and president snow in particular who plans and carries out these things like this, but we also both know that I was fully aware of how badly they treat their victors. I knew the danger I was putting the ones I love in when I threatened that god awful woman.

Thinking like this night after night has the effect of making me go almost insane, and tonight I finally snap. After months and months of self-incrimination my restraint is finally past breaking point.

Before I can stop myself I am running; down the stairs, through the hall and out the door, letting it slam shut behind me. I don't pay attention to where I am going or who I run past. All I want to do is escape. Escape the capitol but more pressingly I want to escape the thoughts that plague me both in my waking moments and in my dreams.

Somehow my feet manage to keep track of my direction and I follow the familiar path that I have walked a million times before. It is only when I hear my footsteps make contact with wood that I look up and find myself on my familiar pier. For a moment I freeze into place and just stare in front of me. For years now this has been my place of refuge and peace. As if in a trance I move forward slowly until I read the very end of it.

I lean on the wooden railing and look right over into the water, and the stars mirrored in its surface. For the first time since me 'victory' I think through my options. To protect Caspian, Mags and all the other people I have come to know in my life I could do something truly brave. The only truly brave thing I will ever have done in my life. I could end it all and without me maybe they would have a chance at safety.

If I jump now, from the end of the pier I doubt it would be very effective. From an early age the children of district four are taught how to survive in water in any condition. This means that it is second nature and automatic to fight to survive. I imagine that if I jumped from here the fall itself would hurt but my body's survival instincts would take over and I would just be wet and cold as well as miserable.

For a long time I just stand in place, thinking about method and I am genuinely tempted to end it all here and now. It would be so much simpler and easier than trying to live a life that makes me sick to keep people alive.

But then my head finally clears of all the panic and angst that has driven me to these desperate thoughts and I truly think about it. The repercussions would be swift in coming and utterly without mercy. My easy solution to secure their safety would only put the people I love in greater danger. They would be murdered quickly, or tortured and then killed. I will have left my only remaining brother in a world that wants revenge on me and well seek to take it out on him.

I shake my head at the torrent of new horrors that swarm me, and sigh as I lean more heavily on the railing. No, I won't do anything stupid now. I will bide my time, start to use my position as the most popular victor in Panem and start to collect the most valuable things that my many admirers have given me. I will start to collect their secrets, while pretending to be everything they want me to be. I will get revenge for my baby brother, and all those who have been killed for no other reason than that their death served the capitols motives of control.

My reverie is broken by several loud cracking sounds that fill the air. I have just enough time to register that the rail that is now fully supporting me is splintering beneath me. Before I can make any attempt to step away I am falling down into the water.

I hit the surface painfully, and then I am completely submerged. I open my eyes carefully, letting out some air so that I can see which way they travel and follow them back to the surface. Once I have established the right direction to swim I move. Or at least I try to move.

When I kick out my foot connects with some old net that someone had left behind. Most of us ignore the warning that stray nets can be dangerous is left in the sea and just leave our damaged nets to float away with the current. It's ironic how I may die here and now, so soon after making a decision to make my life count instead of throwing it away.

Frantically I try to pull myself free, cursing myself and everyone else who ignored the watnings of littering the sea with damaged nets. To my great dismay my attempt to free myself only results in the net securing itself more firmly around my ankle and more of it catching around my other leg.

It is at this point that I lose all sense. My whole body flails around, desperate for freedom, but only receiving further confinement as the nest begins to catch on my wrists, my body, even around my neck. It's exhausting to be so panicked. The only other time that I have felt terror for my own life like this was in the arena during my games. I am taken back to the fourteen year old boy sent to die for entertainment and my panic immediately increases.

A few minutes later I am sluggish, freezing and now completely entwined in the thick material. My movements, which at first were rough and forceful, have become slow. Fireworks of light flash against my eyelids as my lungs scream at me for more air. The water that is usually free and simple to move through for my seems to have taken on the consistency of jelly.

Absently I register that while I myself am not stationary and still the net is moving as though someone else is tugging at it. I try to open my eyes but it is impossible. By this point even my great capacity for breath control has reached its limit. My body takes over and I take and involuntary breath of the salty water.

* * *

When I come to again it is spectacular. I splutter and cough, all of the saltwater in my lungs making a magnificently loud reappearance. When I finally stop my impersonation of a human water fountain my throat is sore and my eyes are streaming. It takes a long time for me to notice that I am not alone. There is someone kneeling beside me, looking at me with a mixture of confusion and concern.

Annie is panting hard, as if she's just been running but I know otherwise. Everyone here does. She has just saved my life. This poor mad girl is my saviour this time.

'Annie?' I croak at here, confused to why she was here in the first place.

'I saw you,' she tells me, 'you were running.'

I nod slightly, then shakily raise myself up into a sitting position. I still want to know why she's here, but right now I need to access what damage my most recent near death experience has had on my body.

There is a long shallow gash on my left arm which spread from my wrist, down my forearm and then stops just before my elbow. Other than that my arms are unhurt. My left ankle feels as though it could be sprained, and I have multiple rope burns up both legs. I am also sure that I will both see and feel some pretty impressive bruising once the shock of being almost dead and then not dead has worn off.

Once I have taken inventory of everything I turn back to Annie, who is still watching me, intense and worried.

'You followed me?' I ask finally and she nods, 'Why?'

'I was worried,' she says in the quiet voice I have come to know so well, 'I thought you might do something … stupid.'

I give her a long searching look. I don't need to ask her what she means by that. She means that she thought I would try to kill myself, exactly as I had been thinking about doing moments before that damn rail broke.

'Why would you think that?' I reply just as quietly.

'I'm a victor to.' Her answer is simple, but laced with bitterness that I understand far too well, 'I've thought about doing it too.'

Frankly I am stunned. Of course I remember that she is a victor but I had thought that the capitol left her alone for the most part. Given her fragile mental state she isn't exactly good entertainment anymore.

'I thought …' I break off. I can't tell her that I think she's happy. I've seen enough of her bad days to know that she isn't. I suppose when it comes down to it I had at least thought that she was sage.

'You thought what?' and I can hear the challenge implicit in her tone. She is looking directly into my eyes now. Something that she almost never does with anyone.

I don't say a word in response, and just continue to stare at her. Stare at the girl who I have spent so much time with since her games, yet now realise that I hardly know at all. She is not the girl who spoke to me so freely in the training centre, but looking at her now with her expression of fierce determination I can almost believe that she is.

'You thought you were the only one who feels responsible for your family's misery.' She answers her own question in a voice that is uncharacteristically harsh and bitter. 'Do you know what it's like to live with a mother who pities you? Or to have a sister who won't even let you in the same room as her children in case you have an episode? I make everyone around my miserable just by being there.'

'You don't make me miserable,' I say without thinking and her head jerks back up.

'I don't?' The harsh confidence of a moment ago has been replaced by her usual airy confusion. She seems surprised by my admission and I swallow nervously. She is looking at me as if she has never seen my before.

'But you always seem so unhappy around me?' she probes further, obviously confused, and I can't help the bitter laugh that escaped me. The shock as worn off now and I wince as the movement causes me pain. Yes I definitely have some bruising.

'What's so funny?' she asks, beginning to sound slightly annoyed at my lack of reaction and I raise my hands in supplication.

'Nothing, sorry,' I pause, trying to think of the right way to say what I am thinking, 'It's just that you are one of the people I don't have to hide from. One of the few people I can let see how I am really feeling.'

'And you feel miserable.' She doesn't phrase it like a question or ask why, just continues to give me that strange look.

There is another pregnant pause between us filled with words destined to remain unspoken.

'Why?' she asks finally.

'Why what?'

'Why can you show me what you're feeling?'

I give a non-committal shrug. In all honesty I haven't got the faintest idea why. I look back up at her, her light green eyes meeting my sea green ones and suddenly there is something there in the air between us. If feels like we are magnets being pulled together and unconsciously I start to lean towards her at the exact same moment she leans in to me.

When our lips meet it is glorious. Colours flash behind my eyelids and the whole world disappears. I sit up a little straighter, no longer feeling the pain of my injuries. My arms move so that they circle her, while hers move up into my hair. Every thought and feeling I have ever had towards her is poured into the kiss, and I think she is doing the same for me.

All of a sudden the enormity of what I am doing hits me with the force of a bullet and my eyes snap open. I push her away forcefully and scramble to me feet, backing up a few steps so that we are not so close together. I am staring down at her with undiluted terror. What if someone saw that? I might have just put her in terrible danger.

'Finnick?' she gasps, obviously stunned by my reaction.

'I … I can't,' my voice is broken. I can't even form a sentence properly. I shake my head back and forth, back and forth trying to come to terms with how stupid I have been since I left the house. I have just put this already hunted girl into even more danger.

'I can't have this this. Not me. I can't' I say again.

As she stands I take another step away from her and towards the houses. She reaches out an arm as if to pull me back and once again retreat. I must look like a deer caught in the headlights.

'Finnick. What is it?' She looks as though she is about to cry. Her tone however is calming, and I imagine it is one she has heard many times in the voices of her family and doctors.

When she takes another tentative step in my direction I spin away from her, so that I am once again running, almost aimlessly. Frantically trying to distance myself from her; from everyone who I might put in danger. This time my feet don't take me to the pier but back to my big empty house.

I fling the door open. My whole body is throbbing and I am out of breath but neither of these facts is what stops me dead in my tracks.

Sprawled on the sofa is my little brother, sleeping with his arm flung over his eyes. For one terrible minute I think that the Capitol has struck again and left him here to give me this shock. I soon see however that this is not the case, when I spot the steady rise and fall of his chest.

I sigh a little, and decide to let him sleep. The conversation we are bound to have can wait for the morning. I move as quietly as I can, grabbing a blanket from the cupboard and laying it over him. Once I am sure that he won't freeze in the middle of the night I drag my bruised, exhausted and thoroughly defeated body up to my room and fall into a fitful sleep plagued with nightmares.

* * *

**I know it's been really a long time since I updated this, and I am sorry. I'll get around to it when I can, but I will never stop it I promise. Thanks for your follows, favourites and reviews they mean a lot :) **

**YAY they finally kissed. It feels like the story is properly starting now XD**


	10. The Torment

In the last eight months since my near death experience and my terrible mistake with Annie I have once again been holed up in my house not daring to talk to a soul. The games have been and gone and that was its own personal form of torture. I wasn't called to the president's mansion again so I assume that by some miracle the kiss I shared with Annie has somehow passed by unnoticed. I have been avoiding Annie like the plague.

This time my voluntary confinement is made better by the presence of my brother, who seems to have time to come to the conclusion that while Kai's death is still on my conscience I have been punished enough for bringing it about.

He doesn't ask me why I am keeping myself indoors, just goes about his business. I think that he feels responsible for me, as I do him. We are all the family we have left in the world now. It wouldn't do any good to ignore each other now.

Annie has tried to visit a few times but all those times I have begged Caspian just to send her away. He isn't stupid so I know that he knows what I am trying to do, and from his expression every time it happens he thinks that it is pointless. He has also told me that me refusing to see her is making her mental state a lot worse a lot more frequently. I feel bad for this but I can't be seen to be fond of her, or she will be in danger. Better mad and confused than dead.

The victory tour passed by innocently enough. Of course we didn't win so I was only expected to make an appearance at the dinner along with Mags and Annie. I made only polite small talk with both of them, which resulted in a visit from Mags, who immediately got the whole story out of me. I know that she wants to help but there isn't really anything she can do. We both know that as long as the the authorities in change remain in power that we are all doomed to this miserable existence of caution and over-riding fear.

Every so often I think about going back to the pier but I manage to stop myself. What would happen if she followed me there again. Who would see? What kind of danger would that put her in?

Tonight however these aren't good enough. After eight months of being holed up either in my flat or being tortured in the capitol I need to get out and breath in some of the familier fresh air.

This time I walk there calmly, taking care to take the long way round to avoid walking past Annie's house. I don't go to the pier this time, and instead take my first swim since the net caught me. It feels soothing and healing. I feel as though a vital part of me has been restored. Almost whole again.

I have been swimming and diving around for at least half an hour when I register that I am no longer alone in the water. Oh god please don't let it be her. I turn my head to look around to check and it isn't her. It's Caspian looking at me speculatively with the shrewd expression he always uses when he is determined to get answers. I often saw him use it with Kai, but he usually just let me keep my secrets. It seems that that time has passed.

'What the hell is with you Finn?' He asks finally, both of us treading water.

'What do you …' I start but stop when he interrupts me angrily.

'Don't play dumb with me. I'm not an idiot. There is something wrong with you, and it's more than just Kai.'

'Drop it,' I say quietly and he narrows his eyes at me.

'Don't bottle it up,' He's glaring at me, and I know what he's about to say but I really don't want to hear it. 'The last time you tried to keep something from me had to big a price. Tell me Finnick.'

I look down at the water, still treading water and take a deep breath.

'Okay.' I mutter. He stays silent, staring at me while I work myself up to revealing my secret.

'I think I've put Annie in danger,' I say finally. He just gapes at me. 'I kissed her.'

For a moment there is only silence between us. Me looking down heavy with guilt, and I can't tell what he's thinking. He's looking at me with the steady gaze that he inherited from our mother, and just like she used to, he makes me feel as though he is reading me like a book.

'You're an idiot Finnick,' he says finally, and I look up at him. I'm sure my hurt is clear on my face as well as an expression that says 'yes I know that already.'

He just shakes his head at me.

'Not for kissing her. You're an idiot for beating yourself about it.'

I blink at him but he continues.

'I can't imagine that you kissed her in the open or around anyone. You're never seen around her. As far as I can see you've kept your distance from her. You are doing what you can to keep everyone safe.'

This is the first time that he has spoken to me like this since Kai died. His cool head and valuable advice does help a bit, however he doesn't know the main reason why I now feel as though the world has ended.

* * *

I find myself just staring at my bedroom ceiling tonight thinking over everything; thinking about her. I know what's causing me so much pain. I love her, and now that I've realised that it is infinitely more painful that before.

I think back to the very first time I saw her and took notice. When she walked onto the stage on the reaping day that changed everything. I didn't feel anything for her then except for pity. I was sure she was going to die, but then again I am always sure that both of the kids I mentor only have weeks to live.

Back then she wasn't the Annie she is now, and I knew that she wouldn't be if she won. No one who makes it out of the arena is ever the same afterwards. That is the cruellest thing the capitol does to it's victors. Before you go in you believe that if you make it out life will continue as usual, but it will be better. Instead you have to live wwith whatever burden you made it out with. For some that burden is madness, for others it's a newfound cruelty. For me it was guilt, and remains guilt. For the deaths I caused in the arena I feel as though that was a different person, but I know it wasn't. My situation drove me to do things I wouldn't have thought myself capable of.

I remember the moment where I watched Annie break. Caring for her when she made it out. I don't remember falling in love with the mad girl. I just remember a need to protect her. The more I got to know her the more protective I felt until that kiss.

* * *

**Ok I know this is a very short chapter. The next one will be longer, and we're nearing Katniss and Peeta's games so planning is going to start soon.**

**Thanks for sticking with this despite by break from this story. There's only five chapters left now so please keep favouriting following and reviewing. Thank you so much I appreciate all of you x**


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